Darkni always have family Pt. 2

That's right! This girl wasn't content just leaving this to fester and die like some other stories. Nope, the shitfest continues. Thus giving me another entry cronicling the horrors of the Pit. I'm tackling the next 2 chapters of this mockery of a pretty good show. 

A quick recap on what's happened so far: Angelyn goes to Tower Prep after nearly being killed. Again. She's related to not one, but two canon characters. Ian as her brother and Suki as her cousin. She's got a wide medley of powers, most of which don't appear in Tower Prep, or don't seem feasible within the realm. And she's confronted by a mysterious figure at the end of the second chapter. 

Well dear readers, we're at a stalemate as far as the bet I made last time. No it wasn't Ray who's the mystery character, but Jeremy. And yes he's out of character and poorly written. So no one wins. Also the author called me out. Is it somewhat odd that I feel flattered? Maybe, but that's neither here nor there. Onward ho! We're diving head on into this bucket of shit.

We start off the 3rd chapter with Jeremy's appearance:

"Why are you here Jeremy?" I said as he smirked.

 "Well for one, I go here." He said as he came closer. I narrowed my eyes at him. I was the ex-oden, but I will regain power over the Rooks. Then I will make her suffer. I heard him think. "C'mon, punch me, kick me, show me see how strong you are." He said edging me on. My glass splintered hand clenched which resulted blood to ooze out. Control your temper, Angelyn. Suki telepathically said to me.

Run Jeremy! Its not too late to escape the Pit! You can still make it! You can- No I lied you can't. Sucks to  be you. Also I'm going to do my best not to nitpick, but... she spelled 'Odin' wrong. Its not 'o-d-e-n', but 'O-d-i-n.' Like the Norse god. Who was connected to the birds rooks. Obviously the Pitling missed this. And more from  the deus ex machina know as telepathy. So Jeremy goads her a little more, so she goes postal on him.

"Really? Because I think your Dad will be proud of all that strength." That's it; my temper reached its boiling point, spilling over like a volcano. I ran to him and punched him square in the face. I saw a drop of blood, but I didn't care. He fell to the floor, but I didn't stop. I sent punch after punch onto him. Whoops, so much for controlling my temper. I thought.

Whoops, I might have just beat the shit out of someone for relatively no reason. Oh well he was 'teh evils' so it doesn't matter. Also I spy another plot hole. If Jeremy knows Angelyn, then he would most likely know Ian as well, especially if he knows about their vaguely mentioned, never explained father. Seriously, that's another plot device just thrown around for the hell of it. We never find out why their dad is such an asshole, or why she hates him. Its just sort of stated as is. Seriously does Tower Prep now give you limited amnesia of people you're related to/know pretty personal details about you.

Anyways... Angelyn decided to give him a break. By setting him on fire. Yep. What a bitch.

I decided it was enough and backed off, but somehow a flame appeared. It spread and he started screaming, students tried to put him out, but it didn't work, it just surrounded his clothing. Then I remembered what CJ said, "You can set things ablaze, but on a human, you can only set their clothing on fire not the whole body." Then I had an idea,

That the author stop this story and spare the world from her terrible writing? Nah, that'd make too much sense. No she just commands the fire to stop and it does.

"Stop." I simply said, and the fire stopped. I sat down and ate. Nobody moved as much as speak. You can read minds and torture them through it. I remember CJ saying. I tuned into their thoughts,

"Wow, this is a dumb story I'm stuck in."

"How do you just lite clothes on fire? It makes no sense."

"This food taste's like crap."
"Pudding again? Why can't I have cake for once?"

No those aren't actual quotes, but they all make far more sense than the actual ones. 

"Whoah, she beat him up, and she's a girl." One said.

"That was terrifying, but beautiful." Another said. Weird, but flattering. I looked around and said,

"I am a crappy character. And I apologise to all of you for having to be in this crap." No but, see what I mean? Who thinks those kinds of things? Yes, the way you beat someone senseless is such a turn on. Also Jeremy has preflex (the ability to anticipate movements), so it would make no sense that he, you know, didn't see that coming at all. Throughout all the times Jeremy is mentioned, his ability is enhanced to ridiculously high levels. Also, that brings up another good point: When this takes place. 

See, Jeremy is only mentioned in two episodes, and the rest of the time he's locked in West Campus (the reform section of the school). I know there's such thing as taking liberties, but at least explain some things. I'll admit, I'm being a little nitpicky about some things (like this probably), but I'll try to stay away from it. Anyways Angelyn goes batshit crazy about other people's thoughts. Because, you know, those aren't private.

"What? Ever seen someone get beat up before?" I yelled.

"Yeah, but you're a girl!" A boy yelled.

"So you racist pigs are saying just because I'm a girl it means I can't crack a bone?"

"Yeah." Another yelled.

"You want to test that?" I yelled back.

Way to fail. The proper term would be 'sexist' not racist. Also the author can only make Angelyn look good by making every other person look bad. So she yells at the 'racist pigs' some more before the rest of the gang starts reacting properly. Somewhat.

CJ, Gabriel, Ian, and Suki looked at me as if I had grown a second head.
 "What? You look as though I had dropped down from space." I said.
 "You just beat up the ex-oden of the Rooks. The Rooks are these people who take something to… 

enhance their ability." Ian said.
 "I know, speaking of him," I said turning around "Go!" I yelled. He wouldn't budge so I tortured him. I made him see every mistake he made and the consequences. He screamed to stop, so I decided he had enough. "Go, now!" He scrambled out of the cafeteria and everyone avoided looking at me.

Upon first reading this, I thought she was talking about Ian. Logical conclusion, given that's who she was talking to in the previous line. But nope, that's Jeremy she just mindfucked. The addition of just one word can clear up a paragraph. The wonders of grammar when done correctly. Also how could Angelyn know about the Rooks' formula? What they took was a secret, even to the other members. Also the misspelling of Odin again. And more to make us dislike this horrendous, tacky, poorly thought out character:

"You do know, you have to go to orientation, right?" Gabriel asked.

"Eh." I said "I'm gonna skip that."

"Um, Ian tried that and he was sent to Headmasters office." CJ said.

"Then I'll beat his ass up."

Yes, that is by far the most logical train of thought. Let me beat the headmaster up. Yes, that is a brilliant plan where nothing can go wrong, except one tiny little thing:

 Everything. This is a horrible plan for several reasons.

1. This is a stupid plan for any remotely similar situation.
2. This is completely uncalled for. 
3. Her ass would be hauled off to West Campus in a heartbeat.
4. Not to mention I'm sure several characters wouldn't mind kicking the crap out of her after that.
5. Headmaster is an incredibly skilled fighter, to the point where he's trained several of the other faculty members, including Coach.
6. Headmaster isn't a villain. 

That last point: pretty important. Yes, let me beat up this man who's risking everything to try to save this school. That's the equivalent of having James Bond spying for you, then booting him in the nuts because he asked you to go to a meeting with him. Its just dumb. I'm getting off topic again, so let's wrap this chapter up.

Something flashed across her face when she said 'headmaster' If she doesn't go she'll be sent to dad's office. I heard her think. He's your father? Do the rest know? CJ jumped out of surprise. Don't tell anyone, please! I won't, but you will have to tell them sooner or later. I mean if they find out another way, that won't be good. I know, thanks and I'll tell them. Hey do you have a crush on my brother? She blushed. What? N-no, what would make you sa- , yeah I do. I smirked.

Well that entire paragraph was pointless. Utterly pointless. More so than the rest of this piece of crap. It does nothing to further this meager excuse of a story. Seriously, why? I mean, does it contribute anything to the shambles of a plot? No. Does it provide interesting, character building dialog? No. Does it make any sense? No. Not in the slightest bit. This is probably the contender for the worst piece so far in this drivel, right next to that odd run-on sentence in the first chapter.

Anyway, the chapter ends on a confusingly bad note:

"Are you guys having a telepathic conversation?" Gabriel said, just then I felt a strong pain in my left hand and I hissed in pain. 

"Here I'll take you to Nurse." CJ said. We got up and left.

"So, when are you planning to tell them about your father." I twinged at the word 'father'.

"Today, and I'm guessing something happened with yours with the way you twinged when you said father." 

So, she just passes out at the word 'father?' Seriously, what the hell? This comes out of nowhere. There could have at least been some explanation other than that. This is moronic in every way, shape, and form. Also, who's talking? I've read this about six times and its still confusing as fuck. Only start a new paragraph when a.) You start a new thought, b.) Someone new starts talking, or c.) Someone talking starts a new thought. None of that happened. Its CJ who's talking this entire time about the same thing.

Again I twinged and the pain in my hand worsened. It felt like it was on fire, no pun intended. I screamed, and fell to the ground. All I remembered was a boy with pale-ish skin pick me up, I think his name's Fenton. Well, I did say I think, it was hard to hear, like I was underwater. I then slipped into unconsciousness, even in this unconscious world I could feel the burning sensation.

How is being on fire a pun? Oh, ha cuz she can control fire. Lollercoster guys, lollercoster. No. Just no. I will have to nitpick again, but this is not a pun. This is a pun: *while staring at a fan* I am not a fan of this. Get it? Its not funny, but it works. I'd more classify that as irony. Both are completely different.

Also here comes the canon rape again! Next in line for this sodomy is Fenton, a character relative unexplored in the canon. Fenton does almost nothing and says little, so he's perfect for an author to mold to their horrid will. 

I've noticed that a lot of poor authors tend to do this. Rather than risk screwing up with writing a main character and being mocked for that, they'll write about minor characters to disguise the fact that they don't know how to properly characterize a character. Then again, she has no problems with butchering the main characters, so I'm sure that wasn't the case.

Ah, one down, one to go. This one's mercifully short, so I'll be able to breeze through the crap. It starts off by switching to third person. Odd, but whatever. Fenton carries Angelyn to the Nurse. Angelyn, being the ungrateful bitch she is, freaks out about this.

Angelyn didn't like being carried. Even unconscious she knew she was being picked up. She squirmed and Fenton almost dropped her.

Fenton then explains the situation to Nurse. Which makes it sound even stupider.

"Ms. Angelyn's glass broke and it splintered into her hand. Then she got into a fight. When she was headed here with CJ, she screamed and fell to the ground, unconscious."

Fenton sits in the office and waits for Angelyn. And also has an odd confessional of feelings with himself. 

Could it be possible that I have developed feelings for her? YES! His heart and mind screamed out. He heard the door open and he craned his neck and saw CJ.

Good to know you know how to give an awkward internal monologue. Always a useful skill to put on a resume. And now more from the only one who seems to know what the hell Angelyn can do, CJ:

"I just remembered something, even though Darkni are strong, they are more vulnerable as others. So imagine, our pain multiplied by three."

An attempt for the author to make her Mary-Sue race seem a little less overpowerful: Give them a really low pain tolerance. Except for the fact that she beat the shit out of Jeremy and broke his... something without a problem. If you hit someone, most likely you're going to feel something. Especially if you beat them to a pulp. Ugh, I'm giving myself a headache trying to bring logic into this trainwerck, so I'm going to stop. Also more from CJ in her new role as the exposition fairy:

"You like her don't you?" CJ asked smiling. Fenton blushed a deep shade of red and said, 

"I will not lie, I have developed feelings Ms. Angelyn, but she most likely doesn't feel the same way."

Well its nice to see they added a psychic to the Tower Prep universe. Oh wait, they didn't. CJ's just prone to giving unnecessary overexplanation and talking herself in a circle here. And it seems Fenton had been thrust into the role of 'stupid love interest.' Always a good role to be put into, of course. The chapter ends with Fenton and Angelyn talking. Angelyn says some more about her 'uber dangerous awesome kwai' life. And CJ's there.

"Like I was pushed off a building, twice, and trust me, I know how that feels like." Angelyn said with a small chuckle, wincing slightly when she tried to move her bangs out of her face. CJ took a clip from her hair and clipped Angelyn's bangs back. "Thanks." She smiled at CJ. Nurse came back and said she could go back now, so they all did. CJ said she needed to go, but when Angelyn wasn't looking she winked at Fenton and left, leaving him blushing.

Well there's a fifth chapter out as of my writing this, but I'll cover that in the next part. And I'm off to taunt the pittling some more. Stay tuned for more of my mocking of this piece of crap.